Control is caffeine for your relationship with reality
I was researching how to fix my circadian rhythm.
One of the main levers is to have your last coffee by 2pm. Not because caffeine makes it impossible to fall asleep, but because of how it works: even when you can fall asleep, drinking coffee too late quietly degrades sleep quality (i.e. less deep sleep, less REM sleep, more micro-awakenings).
How? Here’s the line ChatGPT gave that made me lol:
Caffeine doesn’t stop sleep. It stops the brain from fully letting go.
It actually made me think caffeine works the same way control does.
Specifically:
Control is caffeine for your relationship with reality.
Three ways control is similar to caffeine
Usefulness
Caffeine is useful. It imposes alertness.
Control is also useful. It imposes intention.
Mechanism
Caffeine doesn’t stop fatigue from happening, it delays contact with consequences (feeling fatigue).
Controlling doesn’t stop life from happening, it delays contact with reality (what's actually happening).
That’s why both caffeine and control are actually useful… Right up until the bill comes due.
Solution
The solution isn’t either/or: Do I drink coffee or not?
It’s not really “balance” either: How much should I control vs respond?
Caffeine offers a much clearer solution: timing.
- Not: “no coffee”
- Just: “last caffeine at 2pm”
The same logic applies to control.
Control is useful while you’re provoking reality, such as when planning your day, your week, or your life.
But once reality starts giving you data, continuing to impose what you want becomes less and less useful.
Control should end when reality has spoken.
This pattern shows up everywhere
- control vs responsiveness
- thinking vs intuition
- planning vs adapting
- analysis vs creativity
- top down vs bottom up
- self 1 vs self 2
- self control vs listening to signals
These aren’t opposites, they are phases.
The mistake isn’t choosing the wrong side, it’s missing the handoff.
It’s not either/or.
It’s not even balance.
It’s when.
And now I've written this entire post and I still haven't figured out how to fix my circadian rhythm 😂